The Current Collapse of Civilization in Seven Easy Paragraphs

Any doofus can tell that we’re somewhere in the apocalypse, but only a special kind of doofus named Peter can tell you just where along the process we find ourselves today.

Things sure are speeding up here at the end. Have you felt it? It’s been exponential for the past three centuries, and it makes perfect sense when you think about how there are like seven times more people in the world than there were in 1750. Our lives are becoming effortless. We don’t need to wait for anything, really, and have lost our conception of patience. Music and movies, which once had to be paid for and gone to, are now downloadable commodities. Sex, too, what once was shrouded with a mystique, at least for the prepubescent, is now forced on us all day to sell candy or insurance. And we’re becoming so used to and comfortable with communicating by “text messages” and “web logs” that actual human contact is becoming the mystique, and our social skills all suck now.

We don’t really have to work hard for anything, except money, which we all find very important to buy the music and movies we desperately cling to as ways to relate with one another as human beings, to buy the sex which has somehow become inherent in candy and insurance.

Everything we like is easy. If something is hard, we give up. If the Daily Doofus has too many big words, you leave and go to i-love-fashions.edu. If your wife snores or your husband picks his nose, you get divorced. Even in school, if you don’t find Trotsky worthy of your attention, you drop the course. We’re getting our grades inflated because an easy class is a good class, and a hard class is simply full of worthless information. If something is hard, these days, we just assume it isn’t worthwhile.

Novels take too long, you have to put effort into the experience by moving your eyes back and forth. Movies do all the work for you in a couple hours. Healthy relationships need too much talking, and who wants to talk when there’s so much buying to be done?

The world is snowballing, there’s more of everything involved with the human experience. But each individual experience is becoming so cursory. We flit from one partner, one website, one phone to another without absorbing anything or learning anything. The past is more divided from the present than ever in the history of the universe, and yet our genes are no different than they were two hundred millennia ago.

I’ve said too much. There’s no apocalypse, let’s live like this for all eternity.

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