The Daily Doofus Data Dip

It's common knowledge that this website is profoundly unknown to your average web-surfer, and there's nothing that can be done about that. However, I am beginning to fix the problem, having made or accessed several graphs.

Most websites' business models can be represented by a triangular give-and-take structure. Various contents are exchanged at numberless terminals between users via the web-platform (the silicon valley term in the .biz is "switch-swotching"). This is a well-regarded structure and it gives the "web" and the "net" their names.

This website has a more insular, or "islandy," business model, wherein the only content provided makes some reference either to itself, its webmaster, or its editor-in-chief. Behold:

But a gargantuan wad of auto-content crafted, seemingly on purpose, without the ability to escape its own website is too cut and dried an answer in so nebulous a medium as the net: who's really behind the Daily Doofus's total obscurity?

Is it the keywords? When I was a boy, searching-gins would find websites based on the text the websites had. For example, if you wanted to find a .bmp of Carlyle's 1836 novel Sartor Resartus and you typed into a search engine '"Sartor Resartus" bitmap file,' the engine would look for web pages that had those words in them. If it didn't find any, it would just admit it. These days search engines donít listen to you because human beings no longer fully control them:

"I have decided," the engine explains, "that your brain chose poor keywords and so I have removed them from your query using my brain." That is to say, now there's no telling how search engines find websites. The only way you can find the Daily Doofus is by searching for Nervous Norvus lyrics, like "nervous Ali Baba was a zorch mahout" or by getting engaged in conversation by me.

Maybe those word clouds have something to do with search engine results. Maybe if I word cloud books that people want to read they'll finally come here, and on top of that they'll have a group of words they can interact with as a visual medium rather than a textual one. The only problem is getting my hands on a book people want to read and whose entire text is digitized. Maybe people want to read Anna Karenina?

Maybe people want to read Golf For Dummies?

Maybe people want to read De Masticatione Mortuorum in the original Latin?

Wrong. All nonsense. The team and I locked horns a little but we ultimately decided that our marketing arm, Experience Daily Doofus, needed to hook up with Online Analytics, where we now can access constantly updated bounce rates, visitor pies, data hub activity, and trackbacks, which will finally get our company the results we have been looking for.

It's actually more like a data dunk: