Meteorologie

Even though it seems like it should be an annual event, for some reason there is only a full moon on Halloween every thirty to thirty-one years or so. The other problem is that every year there should be a frightening thunderstorm on Halloween, which unfortunately is negatively concomitant with full moons in terms of our visual perception, for after all, in that perception, where there is a thunderstorm, there is no moon, full or otherwise. On top of this bad news, sometimes the moon isn't even full at night.

And so here is a list of the dates of the Halloweens of the next two thousand years on which there will be a full moon and a thunderstorm and a night, all at the same time due to evil. Times are UTC (thus only useful for Halloweens taking place in the UK, Mali, Togo, etc) and 24-hour style, dates are all October 31st and so it doesn't seem purposeful to include them in the table until you see the table without the width that the dates add, a narrow-ass table nobody wants to read because it could be a needle and poke them.

2039 Oct 31 22:36
2107 Oct 31 20:52
2172 Oct 31 17:22
2183 Oct 31 00:35
2221 Oct 31 23:40
2316 Oct 31 21:21
2392 Oct 31 17:21
2430 Oct 31 19:17
2449 Oct 31 18:26
2468 Oct 31 18:54
2479 Oct 31 00:59
2544 Oct 31 21:41
2612 Oct 31 19:13
2764 Oct 31 19:54
2851 Oct 31 04:15
3071 Oct 31 00:57
3136 Oct 31 22:46
3147 Oct 31 01:56
3166 Oct 31 01:59
3185 Oct 31 01:53
3318 Oct 31 22:35
3356 Oct 31 00:35
3413 Oct 31 19:48
3432 Oct 31 20:16
3567 Oct 31 00:22
3641 Oct 31 20:39
3690 Oct 31 04:27
3709 Oct 31 18:57
3728 Oct 31 02:47
3766 Oct 31 04:06
3785 Oct 31 02:56
3861 Oct 31 19:51
3880 Oct 31 05:55
3899 Oct 31 23:53
3948 Oct 31 03:37

Let us rejoice that so many Halloweens lie before us, and that on this to-be-ancient day, the thirteenth of November, 2016, we can look forward to committing hundreds of spells. I'm an idiot for thinking it's news to anybody that today is the day all the spells cast on Halloween that take thirteen days to come to fruition do so. Let's hope these spells actually do something good for once.

It should be some small consolation to look to the future, not anything so dreary as the near future, but I'm talking the Halloween of AD 3880, on which date a clear morning sky and a great dark night storm will cover Halloween-celebrating regions of UTC. Importantly, the moon will become full at 5:55 AM, during which minute you may ask the moon for a wish and it will be contractually obliged to fulfill it, so long as the wish is neither evil itself, nor would cause any unforseen, unintentional, but nevertheless evil consequences.

But don't worry if you feel that the world, which will exist and be cozy on that morn, is too distant to reach, for on the date Halloween, AD 2316, a good millenium and a half earlier, the moon will be full for the first time in ninety-five years, which event will at that point be called a "Chum Salmon Moon," after the festival that will slowly eclipse Halloween for an eon or two during which all the children run to the river to swim and to chase away the chum salmon, which at that time of the year will have been filled with the roe of evil spirits.

Into the valley of fog