Don't Forget Your Merch

It looks like my new band Death Witch is really taking off. If you want to spend several hundred dollars on positively nothing, and then have it returned to you after making me worry about legal issues, you can fulfill your wish at deathwitch.bandcamp.com/merch

I shouldn't be making nonsensical music and merch. I have to focus on what really matters, how noted search engine Google views the world:

On the well-being of anglophone internet-users:

"I want to die" - 31,800,000 results
"I want to live" - 9,010,000 results

On eschatology:

"The world will end in 2012" - 1,440,000 results
"The world will not end in 2012" - 313,000 results

On the subjunctive mood:

"I wish I was dead" 772,000 results
"I wish I were dead" 443,000 results

On geography:

"The world is a sphere" - 6,640,000 results
"The world is a disc" 8,710,000
"The world is a vampire" - 19,000,000 results

On astronomy:

"Geocentrism is true" - 8,370 results
"Heliocentrism is true" - 3,340 results

On surveillance:

"Dead people are watching me" - 52,700 results
"Dead people are not watching me" - 0 results

On Google:

"Google is great" - 219,000 results
"Google is fine" - 175,000 results
"Google is bullshit" - 3,040 results

"Hourly Doofus" - 1 result