How To Live By The Woods

1. Don't sit with your back to the woods

2. The biggest animal in the woods weighs a thousand pounds

3. The watcher in the woods lacks tapeta lucida

4. Make a tent out of whatever

5. It's like Grandma said, "A moon a day keeps the wolves at bay"

6. Can't things just reach out of the woods

7. It was just a falling walnut – yeah but what about that

8. The strange tracks in the snow just stop at the foot of this tree

9. It was scratching at the door but it's gone now

10. Where is the rest of this rabbit

11. This isn’t a path

12. If it wasn't a black ghost why does it hide behind me from the moon

13. Stars are pupils in the eyes of the pine tree

14. The mud took my boots

15. Stop, puddles aren't just water, though

16. The raindrops increase thirst

17. If you haven't gone grocery shopping, try all those leaves

18. Guest tip by Sylvia Plath: "Fear of darkness – those that move silently"

19. Actually they shot this deer by your car

20. A contortionist lives at the base of the pine tree whose top I point out

21. Boar meat makes a fabulous wound decoration

22. Probably don't even leave your house

23. Wait how will we eat

24. I just got bit, though

25. Why do we have to leave these dead chickens so far from the house

26. I can't hear you

27. Thinks about woods, doesn't speak

28. Randy, that's not funny

29. Randy, stop it

30. I said STOP IT Ran--